The 4 year old was having a bath.

There were Barbies, dollies and other mermaid-My-Little-Pony creatures in the bubbly wonderland with her.

She was directing them in her play. There was a whole plot and sub plot and a mermaid-baby-teacher theme was running through the drama.

While she was occupied, I was speed cleaning the bathroom. Because let’s face it, it never gets the slow clean version.

I keep it out of a revulsive state. That is all.

I diligently wiped and scrubbed and emptied.

I was really capitalising on the bath time distraction to power through all the glam jobs that get done when I’ve 10 minutes to spare.

Unlike some people

Some people would use this bath time to peruse Insta, and generally faff around on their iPhone.
I’ve heard. 

A friend told me that she does this.

In no way is this a passive aggressive stab at my husband.

Previous to all the glorious de-gunking, I had decided that I may as well do a spot of self care while skivvying, so I had slapped on a face pack.

Black charcoal face pack, yellow rubber gloves, white towelling turban.

My daughter hadn’t batted an eyelid at my odd look.

She’s well used to it.

I finished the cleaning, wiped off the face pack and then used my daughter’s bath water to rinse my face.

I
did
not
think
it
through.

She chortled gleefully….I thought it was because I was scooping water on my face and looked funny.

How naive of me.

“Mama!
You are washing your face!”
Laugh laugh

“Mama you are washing your face in my water.”
Gleeful mirth chuckles.

“Mama ….It’s my bath water!!!!
YOU ARE WASHING YOUR FACE IN MY BATHWATER!!”
She hooted

“MAMA – I WEED in it.”
She collapsed into such joyful peels of glee.
This was literally the best moment of her life.

Revolting child.

Emergency evacuation, showering and general LOUD mayhem ensued. The bathroom window was open. Our very lovely, very long suffering neighbours had definitely heard it all. Great.

So that is why, if you come round to my house, the bath is full of bleach and Barbies and mermaid-My-Little-Ponies.

And no.

I don’t want to talk about it.

Unfortunately my daughter does, and will tell anyone that listens. So now the Lidl checkout lady knows, her teachers, several of the Dutch mum brigade… and a guy on his bike, that was waiting at the lights next to our car.

I’m now known as the woman who washes her face in wee.

That’s wee-ly going to help me integrate, isn’t it?!

Or maybe, just maybe…. I’ve discovered something that the Dutchies already do?!!!  Maybe it’s already a trend. Wee washing. Sure why not? I mean snail gunk is being sold as moisturiser now…..(shudder)

Motherhood.

So glam.

 

Photo by Annette Batista Day on Unsplash

I was born in Ireland, grew up in England and met my Cornish husband in Catalonia. We now live in the Netherlands, in Dutch suburbia with our two differently wired, small kids. I spend my days parenting, writing and being amazed at all the Dutchness around me.

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